Giving to others without harming ourselves
Dear Friends,
The holiday season exhorts us to be generous and give. What does it mean to practice generosity from a mindfulness perspective? There are so many opportunities to give material and spiritual aid; how do we determine when to give and when not to give? And how do we know when we are being generous?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines generous as:
liberal in giving, openhanded, as in a generous benefactor
marked by abundance or ample proportions, copious
characterized by a noble or kindly spirit, as in a generous heart
Some years ago, I remember hearing a teacher ask for donations on a retreat. He told us to “give until you feel generous.” I’ve reflected on this as a way to gauge whether I was giving enough and to notice when I was clinging to something I believed I needed to survive.
My own resistance to being generous often stems from worrying that if I give away too much time, energy, or money, there will not be enough left for my own or my family’s well-being. We learn from the life of the Buddha that giving everything away while taking no nourishment for ourselves is not a pathway to enlightenment. Finding the sweet spot of maximizing my generosity without causing harm is a big part of my daily practice.
In Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, he describes the teaching on the Middle Way as:
The Buddha wanted his five friends to be free from the idea that austerity is the only correct practice. He had learned firsthand that if you destroy your health, you have no energy left to realize the path. The other extreme to be avoided, he said, is indulgence in sense pleasures — being possessed by sexual desire, running after fame, eating immoderately, sleeping too much, or chasing after possessions.
The brilliant teacher, embodiment coach, conflict facilitator, and writer Prentiss Hemphill describes boundaries as “the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
I have found that generosity is like this, too. We touch generosity when we give in a way that allows us to love the recipient of our generosity and ourselves simultaneously. You might even say practicing generosity is the act of loving the other as ourselves — giving in a way that heals everyone involved.
I have seen how our mindfulness practice can help us gain clarity about what we need and what we think we need. Eventually we learn to gently let go of more and more. When we see that all things are impermanent, we realize that there is no benefit to clinging.
When have you experienced your generosity as reflecting love for yourself as well as for the recipient of your gift?
Two related sections from Chanting from the Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh are below.
With love,
Annie
Excerpts on Generosity from Chanting from the Heart:
From “Happiness in the Present Moment”
I am determined to let go of
hurrying, competing,
being busy and disgruntled.
I shall not run after fame, power,
riches, and sex
Because I know
that this does not lead to true happiness.
All it will bring me is
misery and misfortune.
I shall learn to know what is sufficient,
to live simply,
so that I have time to live deeply
every moment of my daily life,
giving my body and mind a chance to heal,
and to have the time to look after and protect
those I have vowed to love.
From “Joyfully Sharing the Merit”
Blessed Ones, be our witness and look upon us with compassion.
We surrender before you and make this aspiration:
If at all within this very life and countless lives before,
we have given, even if only a handful of food or simple garment;
if we have ever spoken kindly, even if only a few words;
if we have ever looked with the eyes of compassion,
even if only for a moment;
if we have ever comforted or consoled, even if only once or twice;
if we have ever listened carefully to wonderful teachings,
even if only to one talk;
if we have ever offered a meal to monks and nuns, even if only once;
if we have ever saved a life, even if only that of an ant or a worm;
if we have ever recited a sutra, even if only one or two lines;
if we have ever been a monk or a nun, even if only for one life;
if we have ever supported others on the path of practice,
even if only two or three people;
if we have ever observed the Mindfulness Trainings,
even if imperfectly;
all of this merit has slowly formed wholesome seeds within us.
Today we gather them together like a fragrant flower garland
and, with great respect, we offer it to all Awakened Ones —
a contribution to the fruit of the highest path
