Ways we can really listen especially when we disagree
Dear Friends,
I hope you are enjoying the summer days as much as I am. We have been reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet in our meditation community and recently read a section on deep listening - which can be challenging especially with our loved ones - written by the Plum Village monastic Sister True Dedication.
She shares the value of listening to all points of view in society and in our personal lives, the practice of transforming our anger into compassion, and techniques for practicing deep listening.
Sister True Dedication also offers us some “tricks” for listening mindfully:
Follow our breathing while listening in order to be fully present for what is being said.
Take care of the impression of the other person’s suffering in the way it affects our breathing and our body. If tension arises, we release it on an out-breath. If our breathing gets uneven or short, we soften and gently release it. We note feelings that arise for us to look into later.
Do our best not to interrupt. Become curious about what the other person really thinks, in their heart of hearts.
Keep compassion alive during the whole time by listening to the pain behind the words, the feeling the other person is trying to articulate. Ask silently to yourself, “What’s really hurting here? What are you really trying to say?”
Create the right kinds of conditions for listening to be possible by putting down cell phones, switching off the TV or music, or suggesting going outside for a walk or coffee - create a slightly better context to be fully present.
Be honest with ourselves about our limits. Do we have enough space inside to listen right now? If not, we can reschedule.
She writes:
“Whenever we disagree with someone, it can take courage to hear them out, and, whenever we experience injustice of any kind and feel powerless, it takes immense spiritual strength not to fall victim to anger or hatred. How can we help build bridges in a fractured, polarized world?“
To help build these bridges, in September I’ll be offering a 4 part mini-series (online) on the practices of deep listening and mindful speaking.
I’ll offer techniques for mindfully speaking and listening that will allow us more ease in everyday conversations and improve our ability to communicate with ourselves and other people. These practices will be founded on self-understanding and self-compassion, mindfulness, Focusing, and Nonviolent Communication (NVC).
Each session we will enjoy a guided meditation, read/discuss one aspect of mindful speaking and listening, have a practice session with another person in the class and time for reflection with the group.
I hope you can join us! Learn more or register here.
