An unexpected insight while receiving the Dharma Lamp

On June 10, I was honored to receive the dharma lamp transmission at a ceremony at Plum Village France. This ceremony is an encouragement from the community to share the teachings I have received since I first encountered Thich Nhat Hanh in the 1990's.

For the ceremony, I wrote the following "Insight Gatha":

Seeing the skull with teeth in these foggy rainy woods,

I know this wildly free, composting world is mine, is me.

All of us will arrive home together chanting Namo ‘Valo,

Leaving nothing but our love and a few muddy footprints behind.

I wrote this verse based on an experience I had walking in the woods in the Blue Ridge mountains in May. I walk regularly in these woods which are far from any other houses and trails and on which I have seen bear, turkey, deer, and coyote scat. On that particular day, it was pouring rain and quite dark. Roger and Woody, our 20-lb terriers, were running off leash as we passed the abandoned cabin that was once a girl scout camp.

Roger stopped running and became obsessed with sniffing something I couldn't see, so I walked over to investigate. It was the skull (of a deer I believe) with all its teeth still intact. It startled me at first and I called him away from it.

I felt like we had moved into another world, socked in by the clouds and rain and surrounded by beings in the process of living and dying. I began to feel a settling inside of me, a feeling of being held in a tight embrace by this world. Like the deer, I am part of this world while I’m alive and part of this world when my form disintegrates. There is nowhere else for me or the deer to go. We transform moment after moment. When my body stops breathing and my heart stops pumping, I will still be held by this wildly composting world.

We are all held in this together. The chant Namo 'Valokiteshvara is one I sing every morning, touching the suffering of the world and asking for the support of the Great Compassionate one, Avalokiteshvara. She is the one who hears the cries of the world and knows how to help.

Death is part of this life, this wholeness, and there is no escape. We leave behind only our actions and hope they are compassionate and loving ones.

When I finished reading my gatha to the community, Brother Phap Ung read it himself and then asked me if I would like to chant Namo 'Valo for the community. I froze in terror imagining singing in front of 700 people! When he saw my face, the monk kindly let me off the hook. My body relaxed and I exhaled deeply.

Then he offered me a real gift. Once I had let go of all of my tension and projections (he's making me chant!?), he quietly added, "Unless you WANT to chant it." In that moment he set me up for the space and calm I needed to check in with my heart and see if I truly wanted to chant. Beyond ideas of right and wrong, good and bad, beyond my ego.

I realized that there was nothing to fear. The folks in the hall would probably love to hear a chant and join in with me. I would love to be part of that so, Yes, I would like to chant it. Which I then did.

I learned that when my mind and my emotions are still, I can hear my heart's quiet voice of guidance. So this is how I aspire to practice right now – slowing down, pausing, and listening for what is most true in this moment.

As the gospel singer Cece Winanas (if you don't know her music, please check her out!) sings:

When you can't find your way through the night

When you've lost touch and nothing's feeling right

You can't find that path that leads you home

You don't know which road, which road to choose

That's when you've got to

Listen with your heart, listen to your soul

Inside you'll find the answer

To take you to the place you need to go

Listen with your heart, listen and your heart will let you know

No matter where you are, the truth is never far

Just listen and your heart will lead you home