The Immortality of Love

Dear Friends,

I have been practicing with a situation that arose in 2022, when an old and dear friend of mine acted in a way that contributed to serious harm to my family. Since that moment, I have been trying my best to both respect the pain that I feel and not make her an enemy in my heart or mind. And this has been extremely challenging. 

One of my favorite songs/poems of Thich Nhat Hanh is called Alone Again, and the lyrics are (emphasis mine):

alone again I’ll go on
with bent head, but knowing
the immortality of love
and on the long rough road
both sun and moon will shine

promise me, promise me this day
while the sun is just over head
even as they strike you down
with mountain of hate and violence
remember brother
men is not our enemy

just your pity, just your love
invincible limitless
hatred will never let you face the beast in man
and one day when you face this beast alone

your courage intact, your eyes kind
out of your smile will bloom a flower
and those who love you will behold you
across ten thousand worlds of dying of dying and birth

alone again I’ll go on
with bent head but knowing
the immortality of love
and on the long rough road
both sun and moon will shine
lightning my way

Because of my dedication to this practice, I have not given up on love. I know that love is what really transforms and I believe that hatred helps nothing. Has conflict ever shifted while we are stuck believing in the roles of victim and perpetrator? 

I trust that my pity/understanding and my love will make a much more positive impact on the world than my anger and violence will, in this personal situation and also in the wider world. I call this a practice because it requires me to stop and remember to change my habitual thoughts which would prefer to be judging and condemning her.

Thich Nhat Hanh writes about this in the book, For a Future to Be Possible:

It never helps to draw a line and dismiss some people as enemies, even those who act violently. We have to approach them with love in our hearts and do our best to help them move in a direction of nonviolence. If we work for peace out of anger, we will never succeed. Peace is not an end. It can never come about through non-peaceful means.

Most important is to become nonviolence, so that when a situation presents itself, we will not create more suffering. To practice nonviolence, we need gentleness, loving kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity directed to our bodies, our feelings, and other people.

How do you become nonviolence and how do you work with people who have harmed you? Have you ever been able to hold your own suffering without making them an enemy? 

As always, I’d love to hear about your practice. You can reply to this email to reach me. And if you are in the DC area, please join me for a conversation on this topic at Opening Heart’s meditation evening on Monday, June 17.

Warmly,

annie.